Unrequited

The fire begins to fade. Most of the men have already retreated for the evening yet Sam has not come for supper. He will begin his shift soon so I wonder what has become of him. Most likely he is only sleeping , but I worry.  Trying to find a reason to remain and wait, I decide to help clean up the slovenly soldiers' meals. The women are kind. They at first hesitate when I offer my services, but soon relent. I am a princess, but I can wash dishes and clean up messes from dishevelled logs when needed, just like any other maiden.

For a moment, as I enjoy myself in the company of the other ladies, I forget all my troubles. Suddenly, I see movement coming from one of the tents, his tent. Sam emerges, eyes filled with exhaustion and sorrow. He takes a bowl of soup and heads to the log which seemed the most secluded. I want to speak with him so I dry my hands and start towards him.

"Sam, are you okay?" I ask him as I sit. He continues with his soup, choosing to ignore my question. I bite my lip, hesitating. I inch closer. "Please Sam! Speak to me. What's wrong?"

He drops his bowl and stands, facing his back towards me. "Nothing, I'm just ... tired." He starts for the guard post. Despite knowing that I am an unwanted guest, I follow. He relieves Jason of his duties and begins to stand guard. I walk up beside him.

"If you're still exhausted I can ask Mason to take your shift and watch the campsite. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Sam, I -"

"No," he interrupts. He looks into my eyes and I could see his loneliness. "When I said I was tired, that was not what I meant."

I hesitate, "Then what did you mean?"

He sighs and plops on a stump. "You know, it's been three years. Three long, horrific years since I was home..." I did not realize it had been that long. I look to his face, but now he stares out into the night sky. A single tear runs down his cheek. "I miss them."

"Who?" I wonder, transfixed in his every movement. He straightens up a bit and digs inside his shirt. Carefully, he pulls a gold locket over his head. He twists the miniscule knob in the center of the heart. It splits in the middle and reveals a portrait of a family. I look over to see. A woman with long flowing crimson hair cradles her infant daughter. To her left, a young boy with golden locks leans in to see the baby. Sam looks longingly at the picture.

"I was sixteen years old," he begins, "I was young, athletic and impulsive. At that age I thought nothing bad would happen. Then one day, my girlfriend Ashley told me that she was pregnant. When I found out I felt like my whole world was crashing before me. I told my parents, but they wanted nothing to do with the baby. They kicked me out of my home, leaving me to fend for myself. I quit school and started working. I needed to find a way to support Ashley and my kid.

"When Elijah was born, it was the happiest moment of my life. Carrying that little boy in my arms I knew it would be alright. But the next day, Ashley left, leaving me with our baby. I couldn't believe it. I loved her. I couldn't see how she could leave me – and Elijah – after all we've been through. I never saw her again.

"I was a single father at sixteen. My older sister was kind. She took care of my son along with her own daughter in the morning while I worked. Three years later, I met Robin. It was a miracle for me. She was perfect. Robin treated Elijah like he was her own son and he loved her as a mother. We were married two years later and now, we have a baby girl, Emma. But now...now I don't know if I will live to see them ever again." He closes the locket and places it around his neck. His eyes have turned red and I look away.

I decide that it is best that I leave so I walk, leaving him in his sullen state. I cannot bear to sleep. I choose instead to take a stroll in the woods, immersing myself in my thoughts. I do not allow myself to breakdown for he was never mine. But still, I hoped. Hoped that maybe he knew that I had fallen for him ever since I first laid eyes upon him. Hoped that maybe he had fallen for me too. Alas my fairy tale ends.

I find myself near a pond and decide to sit by the water's edge. I stare at my reflection and realize for the first time that I have been crying. I wipe away the tears with my sleeve and continue to watch the reflections. I look at my own and see an unrecognizable little girl pining for someone who already found his soul mate. My heart breaks. I clutch my hand to my chest: a futile attempt to hold the organ together. I do not want to fall apart, but my emotions fill my entire soul.
Droplets fall into the pond. The aftermath of the fallen drops distort the images on the water's surface for a moment. Then, I see the happy family in place of my lonely self. Sam is cradling his baby, a smile emerges from him. A smile I have never seen him wear. Robin wraps her arm around Sam's waist as their son positions himself in front of them. They all look towards me yearning for this vision to be a reality.

I splash the pond, warping the image once more, returning it to my mirror. The girl in the water smirks. She laughs as she removes Sam's locket from her neck, grasping it tightly within her hand. The girl transforms into a dove, the locket in its beak. It flies away.

Solemnly, I think of what the pond has shown me. I know what I must do. Though, it is not what I wish for. I think it's time to free Sam from this land. He should return home. It pains me, but it will only hurt more if he remains.

Silently I arrive back at the campsite. Heading inside my tent, I light a lantern. I grab a piece of paper and a pen from my pack and I write.


My Dear Sam,

Ever since I first laid eyes upon you, I have fallen for you. I love you, Sam, more than you will ever know. But I know you can never love me in the same way.
You have done so much to help me and my country. I thank you. I wish with all my heart that you will remain with me after all of this is over. However I know that wish is impossible. Now, I think what is best is for you to help someone else. Yourself.

You have a family waiting for you, Sam, a family that loves you more than I. And I know you miss them. I know you love them and I'm sorry that you have been prevented from being with them for such a long time. What I wish most of all is that you are happy.

With this letter I give you my final gift: A way back.

Truly and Sincerely Yours,
Maya


Tears run down my face and fall unto the sheet. My heart pains me as I read the words I have written. Trembling, I fold the letter and press it against my mouth. I close my eyes, taking in deep breaths. I hold my letter to my chest and I sob.
The sun begins to rise as I continue to shed tears. Suddenly, I feel a rumble in the earth and hear rustling outside. Jason enters my tent and grabs hold of my arm. He tells me that we are under attack and I must go into hiding. I stumble to my feet as he pulls me out. Unintentionally, I release the letter and I see it float away.

There is no time to catch it so I turn to follow Jason. I sniffle. It is futile to cry over it. Maybe this is a sign that I should confess to him in person. Or maybe I should trust that the letter will find him somehow. But for now, I will let it free.